Life isn't always easy when living in this perspective. Infact, it's nearly impossible to live a "normal life" or however one may define it because of the ropes holding me back from my desires. It's very challenging to interact with everyone in general. It's as though I'm prohibited from the privilege to be socially happy, therefore, I remain stuck in this horrifying prison with various eyes scattered everywhere & staring at me with such intensity. These eyes haunt me each & everyday. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends & they're the only people I ever feel comfortable around so I'm very grateful that they're in my life. With family, I'm anxious around them. When facing a social situation, I automatically tense up, freeze up, stutter on my words, blush, sweat, and end up with very sore shoulders & back. My fear is so intense, that I can't identify reality between mere assumptions. For example, when I have a feeling someone is judging me, I'll eventually believe they are judging me without any evidence to back up my statement. I often have thoughts such as, "Do I sound intelligent enough around my classmates? They probably think I'm not a bright student. How is my appearance, do I look approachable or do I look really ugly? They're probably judging me. I probably walk/run super funny." What's strange is that I've been teased so much in my lifetime. Although it hurts, it's not so bad because I still survive from it, so why should I remain so fearful? Life is too short for that. When I hear about social opportunities from other people such as parties, events, outings, etc. I experience a great amount of envy. They may suffer from their own problems, yes, I understand that, but why can't I have meaningful opportunities like them? Why does my life has to be so dull and meaningless sometimes? Just felt like venting a bit. I'm confident it'll improve over the years, it has so far, so I'm going to remain strong despite the hardships that I've been experiencing.